Make Bullying Obsolete : A Community Response

Response by Dr Dan Collins www.drdancollins.com, author of The Trauma Zone: Trusting God for Emotional Healing

Healthy Communities Initiatives (HCI) , headed by Dana Riker, has sponsored a series of discussion group meetings for parents, each with a special theme. I had the pleasure of facilitating the January 2009 parenting discussion group on the subject of Make Bullying Obsolete: A Community Effort; this article highlights that discussion.

Bullies have always been with us. In our discussion, we agreed that we all have a personal experience with bullying because we saw the bully issue through the lens of one of three perspectives. Either we were the bully, the victim, or the observer. Regardless of which of these “bully perspectives” touched our lives, we can also bet that our children have been affected by bullying in some powerful way.

Bully Facts : bullies repeatedly victimizing a less powerful child with physical aggression and or emotional taunts. Bullying is a widespread problem in our schools and neighborhoods. It is crucial that we collectively “nip bullying in the bud” because the research suggests that bullies don’t outgrow this problematic behavior. About 25% of bullies grow up and commit more serious crimes in adulthood. Some studies even suggest that bullies are more likely to abuse their partners and their own children in adulthood. Here are five (5) key ways that bullying behavior shows up in our communities:

The Gender Factor- boys and girls engage in bullying at approximately the same rate. Boys tend to engage in more direct violence such as punching, pushing, and slapping. Threats of violence are also commonplace with boys. Feminine bullying tends to use gossip, spreading of lies, encouraging the “in-group girls” to not socialize with girls the bully perceives as less popular.
The Isolation Factor- bullies always try to pick a victim and isolate them. In early childhood, bullying appears to be random. But as children grow older they select their victims, singling out children who are loners they feel they can dominate.
The Verbal Factor -bullies have poor pro-social skills and have not learned to negotiate their needs appropriately. Children who do not negotiate tend to be aggressive. Physical aggression increases in elementary school, reaches its apex in middle school, and declines in high school. However, verbal aggression is a constant through each level of education.
The Drop Out Factor- bullying is such a toxic influence that it prompts both bully and victim to sometimes drop out of school. As bullies age, they become increasingly unpopular, with their only friends being other bullies. Victims who are consistently victimized may grow to hate school and avoid attendance.
The Supervision Factor- most bullying happens when adults are not watching closely, i.e. during recess, the Internet or texting on the cell phone (cyber bullying).

Bully Solutions : A zero tolerance approach to bullying is vital. Parents and teachers can effectively make bullying obsolete by creating an academic and community context in which the problem is exposed through dialogue. Having each school in our community adopt an anti-bullying program, such as outlined by Dr Dan Olweus, which provides specific tips for schools and parents can be invaluable.

The most important first step in “nipping bullying in the bud” is awareness and acknowledgement that it is happening and then communicating that to someone who has the knowledge and skills to effectively address the situation.

Dr. Dan Collins is one of the contracted professionals that help to lead HCI discussions around challenging issues of raising our youth. If you would like to participate in these discussion groups, they happen every third Thursday of the month at Springton Lake Middle School and are free and open to the public. The next theme will be Sex & Drugs…What you need to know! The theme specialist will be Jacqlyn Diamond, M.S., LPC, at Rehab after work and school. The HCI Parenting Discussion Group Facilitators are Tony Goldsmith and Brian Bortnicker. We look forward to seeing you on February 19, 2009 at 7:30 p.m. in the Springton Lake Library!