The Media and Our Children
By Larry Schwab, MFT, LMFT
The Healthy Communities Initiative program has sponsored a series of discussion groups for parents, hosted by Springton Lake Middle School in the Rose Tree Media School District. Each month there is a special theme, and I had the privilege to facilitate the March meeting. This article summarizes the discussion.
For decades, parents have been disarmed and alarmed by the content of popular culture messages that have fascinated their children. Today there is a further dimension of alarm as children use the Internet in new and perhaps self-destructive ways. Our discussion ranged from the positive aspects of technological advances to the difficulties we have in engaging teenagers in a conversation about all of the messages they are getting, to concerns about the impact of the media on their behavior.
* Stimulation: It is remarkable how many important things teenagers are dealing with at one time, fired by their emotional needs, with not enough concern for the consequences of their behavior. Music, television, video games, and the computer all remind the child of the importance of popularity, sexuality, clothing, emotionality, and growing up. It may be too much stimulation, and one result can be poor decision-making and disappointing behavior.
* The technology: Books, magazines, games, the telephone, the television, the computer and the MP3 player have begun to blend their capabilities, so a child can take a picture with their telephone, put it on a disk that they play on their TV, return to the computer and alter the picture, add some music, and send it to a friend, while having a live video chat with another friend in the privacy of their bedroom. They can say anything they want to about themselves on FaceBook and try to attract as many “friends” as possible to read or see it.
* Changing times? What’s different and what’s not so different? There is less privacy now because of the speed and scope of the messages. Yet kids are just as impulsive and blind to consequences as we once were. Parents have less sense of control than ever because so much can happen now behind closed doors, while kids have always loved novelty and drama, which hasn’t changed at all. Children have always needed to be popular and have always been in a developmental stage that demands that they establish who they are in a distinct way.
* “Cyberbullying”, “sexting” and FaceBook: The kids are way ahead of the parents. They are comfortable with all of the ways they can manipulate and send and receive information, even if the speed and content may be too stimulating. Bullying becomes pervasive, not just at school, as jealousies and grudges explode into a fast-moving episode. Children decide to show parts of their bodies to each other, and the images don’t go away. Information that used to be in a private diary becomes a way to get attention or attract new friends. It becomes mesmerizing and part of being “cool.”
* Parental Values: Our discussion kept returning to ways we can communicate our values by asking good questions, relating to our children as real overwhelmed growing people who are not monsters, setting reasonable enforceable limits and being consistent about them, listening well, understanding what matters to us, and not being surprised if our children are preoccupied by their issues.
* How to take charge: Hang in there. Be clear and consistent about what matters to you. Don’t expect the worst of the media or your kids. Use the skills you have and trust them. Relate to who your child really is. Be precise about your child’s mentality, history, emotional age, and interests and relate to those. Be firm when you need to set a limit or affirm a value. Relax. If they ignore you, they’ll give you another opportunity to get alarmed and try again.
Larry Schwab is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Media and Wilmington, who works with teenagers and their families. To discuss this topic further, call him at 610-565-1628. The next free parenting discussion session is scheduled on April 16, 7:30 to 9 p.m., in the second-floor library at Springton Lake Middle School, 1900 North Providence Road, Media. For more information on HCI, visit www.hcicares.org, email info@hcicares.org, or call 610-566-8272. Parenting questions can also be submitted anonymously via the website by using the link “Submit Parenting Questions.”